WELCOME TO MY WORLD

Welcome to a woman’s world. A world that is funny and sad; happy and heartbreaking all at once. It is a world where crazy meets sane; error meets redemption and clarity meets confusion. A woman’s world will give you the safest haven you will ever find and the most comforting embrace that you will ever get. It stems from years of compassion, kindness, laughter and joy. It is a canopy of warmth and courage. 

Why this preamble you may wonder?! A woman is not all of the things I have just written about. Indeed the definition of a woman today is morphed and tangled. An object in a man’s world, we are reduced to being described by our body size, our looks, our clothes and when all else fails our reduced and lowly character that screams for attention! After all it’s we who invite rapes and we who provoke men to have a go at us and seduce them to climb the ladder of power and success. We make up a segment of society that has been marginalized from decades by our superior counterpart and despite our years of struggle our position isn’t much better today. In fact it could be worse because now we not only suffer from humiliation, scandal, molestation, incest and all things perverse but somehow find a way to blame ourselves for the ghastly acts committed to us. 

Yes we are all modern women, who are educated, well employed, and independent. We can fend perfectly well for ourselves. But these women are never accepted well by society because our independence makes the patriarchal society uncomfortable who has conditioned us all to believe that women should be “simple” creatures fulfilling their domesticated role as a dutiful mother, wife, daughter and sister and have no personal wants and desires. 

We are funny, well informed and super smart. But every time we do something great, we are pulled back for being a woman. That our merits are not deserved because we are good, but because as women we must have charmed or manipulated our way up. And what’s probably egging the situation on is that we women never stand united against our predator male. We indulge in jealousy, anger and defame each other in public! So essentially we end up validating men treating us so low because not all of us treat each other well enough.

Every time we walk on the streets, there will be atleast one man who is whistling, staring, cat-calling or commenting on us. It does not matter what we wear, it could be a salwaar kameez, jeans, a dress or even a burka. We are x-rayed and objectified each time. How ridiculous is the notion that women call for such attention? How can anyone want this? The recent growth of rapes in the country surely heightens one fundamental fact, that these men are not merely getting sexual release off these acts. They mutilate the body of the victim. So how sick is the society then? You distort a human being’s life, body and soul and then siphon off the blame onto her only! That you not only maim someone once but torture and assault them repeatedly. Why does no one talk about these untamed desires of our men, yes men who gape at girls their daughter’s age and men who are supposedly minors but that doesn’t stop them from leering a woman like she’s public property. Society points at prostitution as a sin. But what does the industry thrive on? MEN!! Had there been no men, why would women be forced into it. The expectations from a woman thrive so high that it is a miracle we continue to live out each day and still smile through it. How can we celebrate International Women’s Day when we are not respected in our daily lives? How can we continue to live being judged and held accountable for everything we say, talk and wear! 

This is not a rant on the subjugated status of women, but a narrative on how impossible a situation we are in. There is no freedom really. We lead half free lives where we like to believe that there is equality and there is mercy but that is not so. There is a subconscious voice that keeps us on our toes at all times and every time we hear another story of a fellow woman’s plight we turn paranoid. What has happened to us? We are all so bright, so brave, so intelligent and so full of shine. But every step out of the house leaves us as nothing but a prospective object of hunger, lust and perverted desire. One stole to cover our body, another to cover our face and pepper spray to protect us for that one fleeting second. People tell us “do it for your own self, why tempt the man?!” But no, the reason we really do it is because we are scared and hope that maybe the preventive measure lessens my chance of being the next victim. The only hope we have is to stand by each other, through all the good and bad times and to discover the tiny little silver lining at the end of this dark road.

When They Collided

She never wanted to love again. Never wanted to believe in promises simply because she was so frightened of being let down. He thought love did not exist. Love was nothing but a superficial cloud of baggage that only begets misery. But then fate had a different story planned for them. Fate caused a collision so hard that when it hit them it left them open with spasms of joy and exhilaration, stunning their senses. They found their hopes, dreams and imaginations of the future mirrored in each other.

They spent lazy days and nights wrapped in each other’s arms; as wispy flakes of smoke circled above they bared the innermost contours of their souls to the other, little by little. On a balmy yet cool April evening when the weather had turned a beautiful shade of grey they went on a ride; one that would be always cherished. He sat as he always did confident and relaxed and she sat behind him smelling the back of his shirt that reeked of “him”; warm and full and comforting. He zoomed on and on and she held him tight. Her hands wrapped him so hard she feared his chest would explode (her world certainly did!). He smiled that little smile from his corner of his mouth. She would look at him from the right hand mirror only to see he was already looking at her. The sky had turned into the kind of dull grey color that boded impending rains. How ironic that the weather reflected their state of mind. As the clouds precipitated to form one solid mass that would culminate into rain, their feelings of passion were turning into rivulets of want, yearning and togetherness. Flocks of birds were flying overhead, the whiteness of the sky was giving way to greyer undertones and they were just entranced by the coolness of the weather, the heady rush of speed and the company of the other.

Sometimes the traffic would act as the deterrent. But then he would hold both her hands and bring them near his heart and kiss them.  She would lay her head on his back and close her eyes as he sped along. They were so different and yet so similar. They were both wanderers, trying to find their way. They were both lonely who sought company. They were both children who longed for love and yet were both adults doing all of the mundane grown up things. People always said “Opposites attract”. But opposites without commonalities lose their way. And as for them they were only just beginning to find each other. He complete in her being and she secure in his embrace.

Wanderings of a fickle heart

The heart is a fickle being,

With a mind of its own where thoughts run as do still waters.


The heart plots and schemes its own merry devices

To inundate its barren ridges with nourishment and mirth.


The heart looks for joy and comfort

It looks for her peace of being; when the ways of the world tire her out and all she needs is a little solace.


Perhaps my heart is one such as this;

Fickle as a fleeting butterfly.

Scraping into the abyss of a caterpillar when it finds a rock solid castle to hold on

And transforming when the pillar of rock crumbles into little grains of sand.


My heart overflows with love and joy and care and happiness

And if you can take my love with arms outstretched then please do the hate and the anger and the bitterness too if you so decree.

My heart is a chasm of warmth that will engulf and consume and stir up emotions

It is also a fragile being, wrapped in velvet and ensconced in a glass vial for safekeeping and respite.


It is constant for fleeting moments and monogamous as it should be.

But the heart heals its own wounds and when it dies a little inside, the remaining parts conspire a threshold to move it forth and find a new flower to feast on.

To devour and consume and hurt and cause malice.

But the heart is truly a receptacle of us.

A mirror that shows the surface yet reveals the facade within

Capable of shouldering more than it ought to; 

Fighting and striving relentlessly and pursuing its course passionately.

Faces of a small world

There is a multitude of people surrounding us. A vast sea of people within whose confines our existence is often concealed. There are all kinds of people. People who are kind. People who are selfish. People who are mysteries. People who are lost. They are all outside us and yet within for we are but mere humans. Perfection is a flaw that some of us choose to live in. But for most it is just being human and being so in the most extraordinary way!

The past week has been enlightening. I work and I travel and I come home only to find myself repeating this ritual and wondering what it means. I was troubled by trivialities. But as I sat on the public transport that bears the brunt of a “cosmopolitan city’s” existence I realized that the different faces around me had stories of their own. Stories of a lifetime. And so I thought to myself,” Would it not be interesting to imagine their lives as my own for a day ?”

Troubled question for it comes with equally troubled answers.. I see the face of a mother who is looking at the watch every two second and waiting to return home. To a family and its responsibilities. I see a girl reading a book oblivious to the world around her and the constant change of passengers in her adjacent seat. I see a child tugging at my kurta while grinning and I think, “There’s a happy face!”. I see faces that are laced with anger and doubt, malice and hate, dissatisfied yet undefeated. There are bitter faces and sweet faces and faces who make me wary. But bitter faces have harsher truths of life’s bitterness embossed on them. And sweet faces are well just sweet! But every face is complex riddled with doubts and uncertainties that bare themselves unto the day’s end. Pretense can be only for a while but  the facade has to wear off. It is amazing to see that even in this mad rush of people and sweaty foreheads; there are smiles exchanged between strangers. There are those faces that belie trust and help when you find yourself lost and disgruntled. And when it is so simple to be rude and oblivious to anything except your own skirmishes, these faces act as buffers to control your own rage at life and be calm. Such faces draw you home and you realize that life for all its bitterness, selfishness and unfairness can still make you smile. That even in times of desperation a ray of light falls that warms you up and rekindles joy within you.

Life isn't about brooding over mishaps of supposed love. It’s about acknowledging the warmth that a stranger emanates and maybe sometimes it’s okay not to be skeptical about every little thing. That humans make mistakes and it’s alright. In this magnum opus of life we are playing our part that is somewhere making something complete in the universe! 

The Solitary Seeker

Each time we spin a thread, a bond is formed

A bond once formed has emotions attached

And with that array of emotions, relationships are forged.

Some knots are tighter when spun

They render us strong and secure

They make us happy and joyous and ecstatic

As do the golden lanterns unto the night sky.

They allow us freedom; liberate us from the confines of our mind

Giving us the veneer to a new start

But the bonds are fragile too;

And if the thread but breaks, recuperation is hard.

The beads fall, the lanterns lose their way

And the strength with which it once held us seek to now crumble us

These bonds are then like tiny saplings

Seeking nurture and care constantly

They live when humanity works to keep them alive

But if it breaks and when it does

It leaves us lost and desolate now;

Maybe stronger for tomorrow.

OR

A solitary seeker forever

My Mirror of Doom

Like a whiff of fresh air you entered my soul

You were the spring blossoms brightening me up,The calm autumn of my dreary state...

You with the freshness of morning dew;

You were my talisman, my good luck, my charm..

You were the chocolate chip cookies to the crazed out me...

You ....with you childishness..

So full of passion , so full of energy..

Already everything of the man you wanted to be,

Impulsive, compulsive and a rebel

Yu were immature, even insolent!

         But your innocence seeped through still...

Alas! My own personal addiction changed;

My morning dew tuned to winrty gloom

My shadow became my stalker

My love changed to hate..

Hate changed to love; No longer do I know the difference..

We grew up, lives took control of us and all dreams came splattering down...

Crushed dreams do not make for happy images..

The castles we built collapsed and the truth emerged in bitter spasms;

                            Volatile, Murky and Ugly...

The Left over brokem shards of a mirror once complete.....

Har Ek Friend Zaroori Hota Hai??

We are all social animals. We live and breed in a community with common societal goals, do we not? But this is no thesis on philosophy. This is a mere take that I as an individual have on friendship; the one relationship that God allowed us to choose. To choose members beyond our natural families who turn into family of our own will and volition. To complete the puzzle of our beings.

Friendship is a rare thing to come by. It comes in different forms and most often we can never tell who will be there till the end and who will not. But it is our instinct and gut feeling that allows us to trust and believe. And so not every one of us are friends. Most often, we are all acquaintances and there are a few chosen ones in our fate who become our friends; the ones who we were destined to meet and make cherished memories with. Then there are those who are friends yet not friends. The ones we deem out of obligation or a mere formality. And keeping in lieu with all of these complicacies, I know I have a few close friends who have been my life and soul. I have met them at different phases of my life. In different circumstances. But they are all cherished beings for me and their presence makes my world a lighter, happier place to be in.  I don’t know if “har ek friend zaroori hota hai?” because I have only those in my life who are way above just important. They are the retarded souls who have all been witness to my crazy times, my sordid moments, happy instances and anxious outbursts. They have all kindled the happy feeling inside when all other lights are off. And so this not is for all of you who entered my life as a blessing and become the extended family of my own. I owe you because you have shaped my being and made me a better person and all in all, we are bound by a delicate thread that needs nurturing and care. I know that times change and we get busy. But time has also taught us that we have been together through it all. Friendship isn’t always about being together, but being able to take off right where we left it and forming the notch. Notches that have their criss crosses mapped out but also from the perfect pattern needed to find ourselves. I may be wrong but my perception is all that matters and it is this perception allowing me to only include people who are important and no one else to merely accommodate!